Friday, September 28, 2012

I Can't Think of Clever Titles

I just can't.  I read loads of blogs and they always have clever titles.  I just...can't.  I don't know why.  It doesn't seem like it should be that difficult.  It makes me feel like the least creative person on the face of the planet.  But hey, at least I can carry a tune ;)

I was reading some older posts and I found the one talking about getting kicked out a local park one night.  I said something along the lines of use not having tattoos, piercings, crazy hair, etc, but of course I type too fast and don't always think about what I write.  Other times I think too much and explain why I write the things I do.  This is probably one situation where I should have explained myself.  I didn't mean that people with tattoos, piercings, and all there are bad people.  I LOVE those kinds of people (give or take a few, but that's with every sub culture) and if I were not attached (socially and legally) to the people I'm attached to, I would probably be covered.  Besides, I've seen what skin does when you age :P

I just meant that in our situation, most police officers would take that improperly and assume, based on how you look, that you were either well behaved or vandalizing.  It's quite sad, but unfortunately that is usually the case.

I have also talked about food issues.  I started having mild (yesterday was quite bad, actually) panic attacks when I get home from work.  It's probably really silly to most people, and I try to convince myself that it is, but it's really a big issues for me.  I stress out over the simplest food decisions.  I'm used to coming home and snacking, even if I'm not hungry.  In an effort to break this habit, I've started bypassing the kitchen and going straight into other areas of the house because I'm apparently weak with no willpower and have stuffed my face before I've even thought to stop myself.  Then I'm devastated because I definitely just did that.

It's usually something sweet, the other day it was leftover mac and cheese.  I did good one day and made a low calorie cake in a mug, but I'm not always in the proper mindset to make a good choice and usually completely sabotage any good efforts I've made during the day.  Yesterday, just walking into the kitchen and being in the room caused my ears to get hot and I had to sit down because I was making myself sick and dizzy over the issue.  It feels like the silliest thing ever.  I had to make a cup of hot tea last night to chill out because I was so upset by that reaction that I couldn't sleep.  

And I go through phases like this.  I'll be fine some weeks and feel I've really gotten a handle on my eating and food choices, then I'll completely relapse into a horrible relationship, whether it's letting go of my "diet" altogether or just stressing out about little choices.  I know I'm not alone and that other people have these issues, too, but I feel crazy for even feeling like that.  I mean, it's freaking food.  What's so hard about it?!?!

I should mention that the kitchen is most definitely not clean because of this.  It's *that* ridiculous :/

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