Me, last night: I don't have to be at work until 12:30pm tomorrow so I can stay up as late a 4am to read my book if I want! :D
12:30am: WHY am I so sleepy?!?!
Then yesterday flashed before my eyes:
5 am: Wake up.
6 am: Leave for work
7 am: OSHA meeting at work
7:45 am: Begin working my regular shift.
6:30 pm: Leave work and go to the grocery store.
7:30 pm: Home! I immediately start working on dinner and open my bottle of wine.
7:45 pm: First friend shows up. I offer her wine. She only drinks a glass so I finish off the bottle by 8:15 (because it tasted like juice. It was great).
8:30 pm: More people show up.
Lost track of time: Eat dinner, clean the kitchen, watch hilarious YouTube videos. I dance with my friend to one of the lip sync battle videos we're watching (I <3 salsa dancing). Played with the dog (and the cat because she's jealous). People leave after many hugs.
At this point (12:30am when I was questioning my level of sleepiness) I had to convince myself that my book will still be there and that it's okay if I don't finish it because I was really stressed about it (I'm SO close to the end!!!). But, really, I wouldn't have remembered what I read in my sleepy stupor anyway.
Also, not being able to finish the book was totally worth it. Time spent with good friends is definitely time well spent. Love them all so much ^-^
Super much fun with so many laughs! <3
Sunday, April 19, 2015
In the craziness of everyday I often forget to take the time to nourish my own soul. I get so busy doing things that I think will make me happy like trying to keep my kitchen clean and the apartment swept, but It doesn't. Cleaning can be therapeutic, but I don't always enjoy it. Work and my commute keep me tired. My sleep schedule sucks. It all takes its toll. In light of recent events I have put aside the things that I convince myself will make me happy and am actually *doing* things that make me happy: art, books, music, dance. I'm just being silly, being me, without care of what people may think. In place of trying to keep a tidy home, I've been living, surrounded by my best friends, my husband, and my family. Life is hard, but it is beautiful.
We went to Asheville yesterday. We went around dinner time, calling ahead to make sure Doc Chey's was actually open. They always seems to have something awful happening when we try to go. First their pipes burst, then they had a fire. I was sad to see that they did not have the coconut tofu still. It was still tasty, though. We mingled around downtown, but most of the shops were closed or closing. As we walked we came across Marc Hennessey and his drummer. We had passed several street performers (because, you know, it's Asheville, and they're everywhere), but Marc intrigued me.
I often listen to music. The genre changes based on my mood. I didn't realize how long it had been since I had really felt the music I was listening to. Yes, songs make me happy, sad, angry, joyful, etc, but I haven't truly been *feeling* the notes as they are played or the impressions they would leave. Last night, though. Last night I felt it. I took a video on my phone, but it is of poor quality with traffic and pedestrians, but I will post a link to a YouTube video of the particular song in question. It isn't quite as fine tuned as last night's performance, but it speaks to me all the same.
I realized when I stopped my phone recording that I had been crying. I feel silly typing that, but I know some of you will understand. It wasn't a sob and there was no connection to any particular event. It was just an emotional release. That song made me feel very deeply sad, but happy at the same time. It was powerful and I'm so glad I got to experience it. Ryan joked, "you're all watery" until I told him how I was feeling and he just put his arm around me without another word. I'm so glad he understands.
And to think, we almost didn't go. The person that suggested it couldn't even make it, but the guys were excited and my other friend wanted out of the house. We almost stayed home and watched movies or played board games. I really needed last night and I am so thankful that I let go of the hesitation that almost stopped me from going.
Its amazing how things work out.
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
This week has felt much more mentally stable than last week's episodes of panic and anxiety. I decided that, since I now have super comfy athletic shoes, that I may try jogging. Tonight proved to be the perfect night to make the attempt as Melody was acting a fool and going crazy. I'm pretty sure this dog charges like a battery in this cold weather. I started to think about jogging, but started to actually jog before I had a chance to convince myself to wait until next time, and you know what? I didn't die. I actually kind of enjoyed it. I didn't do much. But I did it. I alternated walking and jogging. In total I only managed about a third of a mile, but it's a start.
I have also been participating in a squat challenge for the month of February so if you see #loveyourbutt anywhere that's simply stating that I did my squats that day, sometimes more. I've been fighting a headache for two days. Today it was accompanied by some nausea that progressed throughout the day. I ended up doing my squats at work, dress pants and all, just in case I ended up with a full blown migraine and couldn't complete them tonight. After work I found proper medication and some gel cooling pads for the back of my neck. They worked wonderfully and I felt like a million bucks by time I got home, hence the jogging.
I made steel cut oats for breakfast. I added much more water than it called fo so they would be super porridge-y. I added a little vanilla, brown sugar, and coconut milk for extra satiety. It tasted like marshmallows! I totally wasn't expecting that, but I certainly didn't complain. I grew tired of rolled oats a long time ago so I'm excited to find a way to make steel cut oats to my liking so I can cook a large batch at the start of the week along with boiling some eggs for grab and go breakfasts. Baby steps, yes?
Monday, February 2, 2015
Unless you're my cat. Then it takes one. We are still battling Tango's allergy problems. I plan to take him to the vet when our tax returns come in to make sure it isn't something new. It's been about seven years since he's been. Perhaps they have a treatment that doesn't risk heart failure now? I doubt it. Veterinary medicine and research doesn't seem to advance as quickly as human research. My best friend gave us a Thunder Shirt. It certainly keeps him from tearing himself apart, but I'm afraid to take it off. He gets obsessive about cleaning and reopens it. Every time. It sucks. Here's a photo of where we came from. It was worse...as in, he had a what appeared to be gaping hole in his side. It's mostly better now, but not 100%.
Melody is a total fluff ball now that winter is here.
Melody during the summer, heading into autumn:
I finally bought good athletic shoes and layers so I've been able to walk in the cold. Oh, and a head collar for Melody's pulling. What used to be a chore is now something I look forward to doing. It's great!
Monday, January 26, 2015
I thought I had posted this year. I also thought I had some posts in drafts to edit and publish. I guess not. This year has already been a mostly dismal series of events, but I'm keeping my head high and trying to not let it get me down. I'll write more later. This is just an 'I still exist' post ;P