Friday, September 28, 2012

I Can't Think of Clever Titles

I just can't.  I read loads of blogs and they always have clever titles.  I just...can't.  I don't know why.  It doesn't seem like it should be that difficult.  It makes me feel like the least creative person on the face of the planet.  But hey, at least I can carry a tune ;)

I was reading some older posts and I found the one talking about getting kicked out a local park one night.  I said something along the lines of use not having tattoos, piercings, crazy hair, etc, but of course I type too fast and don't always think about what I write.  Other times I think too much and explain why I write the things I do.  This is probably one situation where I should have explained myself.  I didn't mean that people with tattoos, piercings, and all there are bad people.  I LOVE those kinds of people (give or take a few, but that's with every sub culture) and if I were not attached (socially and legally) to the people I'm attached to, I would probably be covered.  Besides, I've seen what skin does when you age :P

I just meant that in our situation, most police officers would take that improperly and assume, based on how you look, that you were either well behaved or vandalizing.  It's quite sad, but unfortunately that is usually the case.

I have also talked about food issues.  I started having mild (yesterday was quite bad, actually) panic attacks when I get home from work.  It's probably really silly to most people, and I try to convince myself that it is, but it's really a big issues for me.  I stress out over the simplest food decisions.  I'm used to coming home and snacking, even if I'm not hungry.  In an effort to break this habit, I've started bypassing the kitchen and going straight into other areas of the house because I'm apparently weak with no willpower and have stuffed my face before I've even thought to stop myself.  Then I'm devastated because I definitely just did that.

It's usually something sweet, the other day it was leftover mac and cheese.  I did good one day and made a low calorie cake in a mug, but I'm not always in the proper mindset to make a good choice and usually completely sabotage any good efforts I've made during the day.  Yesterday, just walking into the kitchen and being in the room caused my ears to get hot and I had to sit down because I was making myself sick and dizzy over the issue.  It feels like the silliest thing ever.  I had to make a cup of hot tea last night to chill out because I was so upset by that reaction that I couldn't sleep.  

And I go through phases like this.  I'll be fine some weeks and feel I've really gotten a handle on my eating and food choices, then I'll completely relapse into a horrible relationship, whether it's letting go of my "diet" altogether or just stressing out about little choices.  I know I'm not alone and that other people have these issues, too, but I feel crazy for even feeling like that.  I mean, it's freaking food.  What's so hard about it?!?!

I should mention that the kitchen is most definitely not clean because of this.  It's *that* ridiculous :/

Random Bits of Energy

I think I need more fruits and veggies in my life.  I'm been feeling sluggish.  Yesterday was the most energetic I've been in a while.  I think it's just too many carbs, not enough actual nutrients...maybe not enough water.

Anyway, I FINALLY got new shoes! :D

I REALLY wanted these for their color, but they weren't on sale.

I settled for the teal because they're the EXACT same shoe, just different color, and these were actually on sale (clearance, woo!), which I still love as far as fit and support goes, but I can't wear them with everything like I can the grey ones.  

I'm having second thoughts, though.  I mean, any time we go out on long foot trips, I have to wear my tennis shoes, and the teal really won't match anything so I'll be stuck wearing not so comfy shoes.  Blah.  So silly.

I'm having some serious allergy issues, too.  I think it's the office.  My nose is stopped up, but all of my membranes are DRY...eyes included.  Nonsense!

This weekend should prove to be most eventful, hoping along the lines of exciting and not so much the lines of stressful :)

Hope you guys have a good weekend!

Make good choices ;)

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Something in the Water?

So, last night was almost worse than yesterday morning.  It was a simple morning.  Something goes wrong, I tell him whats wrong and leave...essentially, between all the dramatics.  I come home, think he's in the bathroom so I crash on the couch to nap because I'm so sleepy after 3am wake up calls.  Later when I wake up I go in the bedroom to wake him up from his nap (his sleep schedule is as bad as mine) and end up wasting and hour sitting there in silence just waiting for him to say something.  I'm clueless and don't know what the problem is because it was mostly resolved this morning so I reiterate that "I didn't mean to turn on the A/C, just the fan".

Still no word from him.  Turns out he's all nervous because he thought he upset me.  He was never in the bathroom because as soon as he heard me come in the house after work he disappeared into the computer room.  Dramatics, I say!  This is what I live with on a daily basis.  You'd think he belongs in a theater or something with his shows.  An hour of silence that I could have been doing laundry or dishes, but no!  I'm waiting on sappy husband to say something.  I was really fed up and tired of always being the one to respond to his issues and never to be the one asked about how I'm feeling.  It's ridiculous.  We do this every several months, thankfully less than we used to so that's progress, right?

He finally said he didn't mean to upset me by reacting the way he did.  Yes, it took and hour for him to say that and it all to be over with.  Then I was starving because my nervousness finally disappeared and made me realize that I was also sick to my stomach because I was hungry and not just upset or irritated.  Silly, I know.  I try to stay calm when talking to him, but I never know what theatrics he's going to pull so I always get nervous and anxious waiting for him to talk.

Not much else happened.  Oh!  I reiterated the 3am wake up call thing again and he woke me up at 1:20 instead.  Not great, but much better than 3 :)

Monday, September 24, 2012

Put Me Out, Please

I didn't realize it had been so long since posting.  Things have just been insane.  Hubby's grandma passed last Sunday, my birthday was Tuesday, Zoo on Saturday with a cookout, then hiking yesterday.

We were in a panic trying to figure out how to at least get hubster, if not both of us, out to Texas for the funeral, but it just was practical, both financially, mentally, and schedule wise.  Tuesday we had the whole gang plus my mom and her boyfriend over for dinner.  We had breakfast tacos! Most people left around midnight, but we had a couple stay until 2:30am.  I was so sleepy the next day, but it was so worth it!  So happy to have found friends who like to play Rock Band (because our other friends burned out years ago).  I sang and others even at least tried playing drums.  Up until that point no one would even try them.  So lame.

I feel like other stuff happened during the week.  Oh, Thursday we went to the grocery store and didn't get home until 10:30 so we made a super fast, super late, dinner and watched Doctor Who.  Friday was a joy ride with a good friend of ours in a car he borrowed from the dealership he works for.  He was supposed to diagnose a problem...the check engine light kept coming on...except when he drove it.  Diagnosis?  The former driver is an idiot who runs his cars too hard and doesn't treat them right.  Figures.

Saturday we went to the zoo!  So awesome!  It's a tour guide only zoo that allows you up close to the animals instead of stretching your neck like the giraffes like a public zoos.  So cool.




Got to feed the Lorikeets:

And feed a giraffe! :


More giraffes:

My friends and family who joined me:






Blue Macaw:

Red Macaw:



This was all fun and awesome and we grilled out at our place afterward.  If you guys are ever in the area you should check it out:

All zoo photos in this post are courtesy of our good friend Nathaniel Daught:

Yesterday we went hiking.  5 ish mile round trip.  It's usually quite fun, but I didn't enjoy this trip as much.  My feet and ankles started killing me and we went with a group of 8 people instead of 2 or 3 so I just wasn't mentally prepared for it.  I NEED new workout shoes super bad.  My lack of support caused me to get a mild sprain in my right ankle.  I came home and slept for like 3 hours too since I woke up so early and super exerted myself.  The waterfall was ALMOST worth it, but not was rather cold out:

 This photo was not by Nathaniel.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Seasons Change

Yesterday was a bit of a whirlwind of emotions.  I put my fitbit to the test by walking 50 minutes or so.  Seems accurate so far!  There's a little bit of a learning curve in regards to syncing, but easy fixes nonetheless.  Apparently when a Mac goes to sleep it severs the connection to the USB so I have to unplug and re-plug the USB cable if I want it to sync.  Ryan has informed me that there is a way to let the computer go to sleep without having certain actions discontinue also so it sounds like I'll be able to fix it and not worry about it.

When I got home I had packages waiting for me!  I got this stoneware pie plate and french rolling pin from my best friend for my birthday!

I sent her a text saying "those are big boxes O.o" and she asked if I had opened them *big smiley* so I got impatient (because I'm 5 at heart) and opened them almost a week early (birthday is next Tuesday).  It's ironic, too, but I'll get to that later this week ;)

We had dinner (if you call finger foods dinner) at our friend's house because it was actually her boyfriend's birthday yesterday, not mine.  They went ahead and gave me their present as well.  What is with these people?!?!  I guess she assumed I knew what it was since she had asked if I wanted it as a since I'm "hard to shop for" even though I have an Amazon wishlist FULL of stuff :P  We don't like any sort of mystery in our relationship, apparently.

On the way home, Ryan received a call from his mom saying his grandma will likely be passing very very soon.  We've been preparing ourselves for it and so far Ryan has been really calm and rational about it.  I'm sure he'll have his moments (me too...), but we both agree that if we were her age and had been through all she's been through that we'd be ready to reunite with our loved ones who have passed before us.  Hospice is just making sure she's as comfortable as possible right now in her last moments.

We talked a lot about our lives and the development of our relationship and relationships to those around us and how things are changing with everyone into a new stage.  He said he didn't know why he felt that way, but that something is definitely happening.  I described it a change of energy, in general, around us.  He said that was a very Celtic way of looking at it, which is funny because I've been looking more into my heritage, but I haven't read anything about energy and nature and that sort of thing's just something I've always believed in.  I don't mean it in any sort of religious or non religious way.  I just...believe it.  All organic beings are fueled by atoms aka energy.  We feed our body food because the energy that helped the food grow converts to energy needed for US to grow.  It's just fact.  Seasons change because of the sun rotating...because atoms, mass, etc (all energy) cause it to do so.  Call is spirituality, religion, or whatever.  The basics of it are the same :)

Anyway, things have been..eventful.  I've been playing a lot of piano to cope with it all.  Music = therapy.

I hope you guys are having a wonderful Friday!  Don't let these absurd political figures drive you insane as election comes upon us.

Make good choices!

What fun things are you doing this weekend?  We've got more birthday celebrating (our friend's, not mine lol) and morning glories that are taking over our porch to take care of...hopefully working on a new painting.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

And All The Fixin's

Yesterday I went home and napped.  Oops.  I ended up waking at 7:45, pussy footed around dinner plans because Ryan wasn't that hungry and I was starving, so I had a packet of instant oats (because I'm daring like that) and was fine and less irritable for more thinking about dinner.  We can't do meal plans and all that stuff because Ryan is an emotional eater.  He likes to enjoy his food and likes to eat what he craves.  I personally DO. NOT. CARE.  Seriously, I just need food...fuel.  I don't care what it is as long as it doesn't taste doesn't even have to be good, just not awful.  

After throwing around steak with whatever and possibly fajitas, I threw out chicken and dumplings because we had Cracker Barrel the other night and we had lots of chicken in the fridge and it's been a comfort food kind of week.  This immediately hit home with Ryan so we talked about his Grandma.  We get distracted easily and I wasn't starving anymore (oatmeal!) so I wasn't all cranky and was more willing to talk :)

At first, the thought of making chicken and dumplings scared me because he is picky.  He won't admit it, but he is.  Also, his grandma is under hospice care reaching her last days with us so trying to tackle something as nostalgic and sacred as grandma's chicken and dumplings is a terrifying thing to do!  I didn't know if he'd have a break down (because he's been really calm about her illness so far) or...I just didn't know, because like I said...he's emotional and dramatic.  Like, I'm pretty sure I wear the pants in our house.  At the mention of Cracker Barrel chicken and dumplings, he brought up their biscuits, so I tried not one, but two "copy cat" recipes.  This should have been a disaster!

At the end of it, my kitchen looked like a tornado hit it and dinner was served.  He took a bite, thought for a second, took another bite, and started shoveling food into his mouth.  He loved it!  He was extremely enthusiastic and in disbelief (as was I).  I'm not a bit biscuit fan, but THESE biscuits tasted just like the restaurant biscuits...perfectly crisp on the outside, and soft and doughy on the inside.  SO GOOD.   And the chicken and dumplings were a huge hit.  I've had a few flops recently in the kitchen (our oven is finicky) and I was afraid this would be another one, but they were so good he called our friends and invited them over tonight for leftovers since there was so much food!...just like Cracker Barrel ;)  I still can't get over it.  

Tuesday, September 11, 2012


I just ordered my Fitbit!  Hoorah!  Cause this girl has a birthday next week ;)

This week has been pretty great so far!  The weekend was fun, and the week has been...well, it hasn't been bad.  I got home yesterday to find Ryan mowing the yard (not and easy feat....took him 1.5 hours) so instead of sitting on my arse ASAP (guilt) I cleaned house!  Dishes, cat box, sweeping, organizing, etc.  We took a short nap (I know I said they were then enemy, but it WAS short and not hours), made barbecue buffalo chicken sandwiches with leftover grilled chicken from Sunday...not much barbecue on the chicken, but plenty of buffalo, and some crispy potatoes, yum.  I didn't have much room for dinner, but that's fine by me!  Normally I can't stop eating :/

After watching Doctor Who, I played piano for a bit, then we worked on a painting!  I was surprised when Ryan asked for my help, but it was fun :)...cause keeping cats out of paint is definitely fun...not.  They've been extra cute and fun this week. I got Tango to sit on the piano bench next to me instead of getting on the keys in my face.

He isn't normally comfortable being so close (sitting next to me, not being on the piano...didn't get a picture of that), but he's slowly getting more brave...after almost 7 years.  He's still afraid of a number of things, but now he's getting big boy issues and has to assert himself more often (making himself alpha over Kurumi if he can help it)...he talks nonstop, which is sometimes cute, but not at 3am.  I can't believe he'll be 7 in December.  I still think of them as little!..probably because they act it.

Phone photos suck, sorry.  I also apologize for reposted photos ;P

Playing in the cabinets...I used to think it was just Tango who played in the cabinets...I guess not.

Doing laundry together...sort of.  She climbs in the dryer as soon as I open it:

Just being cute, sleeping on my tummy, purring, and "kneading" like she does.

Never far from my side when in the kitchen!

This morning has been productive as well.  I managed to wake up, get ready, take out some trash, make breakfast and pack lunch, AND check my car fluids before leaving for work!  AND I was here on time!  Amazing, I know.

Here's hoping the week continues to be as awesome!  Well, productive, at least.

Also, remember soldiers today as it IS 09/11.  I'm a horrible American and it took reading other blogs to realize what day it was :(  In my defense, I was 10 years old when it happened and it's been 11 years since.  I know it's not a valid excuse, but it really is hard for me to remember.  And at least I did realize after reading posts and I wasn't TOTALLY clueless.

Friday, September 7, 2012


So sleepy!  Yes, it was another 3am wake up call.  I tried to be less grouchy about it, and I guess I succeeded, but it doesn't change the fact that I woke up with a bit of a headache because of it.  Needless to say, I did not go walking this morning and was running late to work.

This weekend should be eventful, though.  I'll either nap after work or go find caffeine during lunch since I also failed to pack lunch today.  This weekend is the tree street yard sales, Celtic festival, and...actually, I think that's it, BUT! That's more than what's usually going on :D

There's a neighborhood in my city that consists of blocks of, well, tree named streets (hence the name tree streets).  Every year, maybe twice a year (?) they collectively hold a neighborhood yard sale.  It's a huge city event and people even travel from out of town to hit it up.  No joke.  It's like...I is what it is.

In a neighboring town we're having a Celtic festival.  I haven't been to one hosted at this particular location so I'm not sure what to expect.  I hope it's good!  Maybe I'll hit up the farmer's market to top it all off! :D

Now that I've been consistent with the push ups, squats, and sit ups, I'm going to start adding in more stuff again.  I got a little too gung ho about it last time and burned out.  There is a church exactly a mile from my house so I'm going to use that as a 2 mile round trip starting out and build from there as I get comfortable since it's cooling down outside.  I hope you guys have a wonderful weekend!

Here's more cute to help that along <3

I have a birthday coming up!  I'm totally getting a fitbit, but I'm not gonna lie.  While I'm excited about the fitbit, I'd be 1000x more excited if I got a puppy ;)

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

It's a Tragic Tuesday

Tragic is an overstatement, and potentially a sad play on "Manic Monday" ;)

This will probably end up being a slightly TMI post.

I was on a mini vacation during the later part of last week, a staycay, if you will.  I spent a great deal of timing ripping off KMart and shopping for new bras/socks.  I left KMart with $60 worth of stuff for about half of that in actual money thanks to coupons, clearance, and sales.  I came away from this weekend with two news bras and some undies :D  Any of the weight I've lost has been coming off around my torso so I've got a couple of bras that are a little big and rub too much which was getting painfully uncomfortable so I splurged a little...though, not really, because both bras AND four new pairs of undies came in at $25.  Pretty awesome!

I've stuck to the 100 pushups programs and 200 squats/situps really well so far!  I'm surprised I've stuck for it two whole weeks already!  1/3 of the way through...almost.  I've got to do day 3 of weeks 2 (pushups) and 4 (squats/situps) when I get home because I wasn't awake enough this morning.  I crashed on the couch around 11/12 and hubby woke me up around 3 to come to bed, which of course means "snuggles" so I didn't actually get back to sleep until about 4 and was supposed to wake up at 6:30 to workout, straighten my hair, and get ready for work.  Instead, when my alarm went off I had a slight headache from being tense when I fell asleep (irritable, really, since I wasn't going to be getting a full, straight, night of sleep) so switched my alarm to 7.  When I got up to straighten my hair at 7, I decided that my hair was pointless since it's cloudy and supposed to be raining so I started the dryer (last night's laundry) and went back to bed (the couch) and slept another hour until 8.  I spent no time on my makeup, threw my food together, and got out the door to be at work at 9.  I am NOT in the best mood today...irritated more than anything.

I hate to sound...nit picky, but I'm sure you guys can, women can relate ;)  When I'm sleepy, I. AM. SLEEPY.  I DO NOT want to be woken up.  I'm trying to fix my sleep schedule, but it's difficult when I try to go to bed and husband acts all disappointed, so I've gotten to where I just crash on the couch, because that make SO MUCH difference.  It goes from "Aw, you're going to bed?" to not caring at all that I've "fallen asleep"...until it's time for him to go to 3am.  Then he wakes me up to come to bed so I'm WIDE AWAKE by the end of it all that I feel like I've only gotten 2 hours of sleep (because being wide awake completely cancels the first 3 hours of sleep and I have to start over).

I've talked to him about it, but it still isn't clicking.  He falls asleep after work because he's tired because he was up late because he fell asleep after work, so I end up napping to catch sleep where I can (usually while when he's fallen asleep after work, predicting the 3am wake up call), but unlike him being good and awake until 3am (he doesn't wake up until 8), I'm still sleepy at my normal bed time because this schedule has me so freaking screwed up mentally.  I've told him that if...snuggles...are really that important to him (because I don't give a damn about...snuggles... when I'm sleepy [any other time is good]...side affect from being fat?) to hit me up after work.  But of course he doesn't.  I've tried telling him to let me go to bed and just wake me up when he decides to come to bed so I don't have to completely ruin my sleep pattern by totally waking up because really?  Who's having mind blowing...snuggles... at 3am when you're both tired.  I can shuffle just fine, but physically being woken up to get off the couch because he throws a fit when I try to turn in for the night really screws up the rest of the day for me.  He says I'm impossible to wake...well, that's because my sleep schedule is so screwed up from playing this awful game that when I'm asleep, I REALLY NEED THE SLEEP and won't be woken.  Shocker, I know.  It's not obvious or anything. AND it doesn't even matter where I fall asleep because he can't even wake me up when I'm on the couch (1 out of 5 nights) because I really need the sleep from being interrupted the night before and not getting a full night's rest (seeing a pattern) so now he's upset because I'm crashing on the couch and he's lonely in bed, but it's the only way I can catch a break.  It's a horrible, horrible cycle.  Ridiculous, really.

This is all killing my workouts, too, because I HATE, with a passion, working out after work.  I'm normally a morning person...normally, not lately because of the sleep issues (going on probably at least a year now).  I don't care how it works out (I'll happily sleep on the couch every single night because I'm not super clingy like he is), but he's all in cahoots about it.

Last week went really well for both of us because he made an effort to not crash after work.  It's amazing what that ONE change did for both of us, mentally and physically.  This week has not been off to the same start and now I'm physically stressed out and upset and today is DRAGGING :(

Sorry for the's just so frustrating.  And being tired makes me want to eat everything in sight.  I haven't yet, thankfully, and I keep asking myself if I'm really hungry, thirsty, or bored.  Did I mention that when he's napping, it's impossible to wake him up (or at least he used to be)?  He won't set an alarm, and gets upset if I let him sleep too late, but it's a real waste of my time to spend an hour coming in and out of the bedroom trying to wake him up.  He finally seems to get that one...that if he sleeps too late he needs to fix it because I'm not staying by his side every waking minute for an hour to make sure he's actually waking up/getting up because I have better things to do, like maintaining a clean house, making dinner, and personal hobbies besides sleeping (in the event that I actually don't feel like napping).  He says to shake him or turn on the light, but that stuff makes me really angry when people do that to, REALLY angry...hostile, even, so I refuse to do that to him.  I used the phrase "taking responsibility for your own schedule cause I'm not your mom", or something like that, and that seems to have made the process a little easier.

It's so stupid.  I know he's slowly making and effort because we both agree that we need a more structured schedule when it's time to start a family, with actual human children and not just the cats.  Although, I'm really hoping for a puppy first ;)  It's much more motivating to get up in the morning to go walking when you have someone to keep you company, and potentially protect you on dark early morning walks :)

Here's some cute to make it all better <3