Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Sleeping troubles.

It's no mystery that I have horrible sleep patterns.  Any one of my friends can tell you this.  Ryan naps after work so I get bored and sleepy and nap, then I'm up late, go to sleep, but can't sleep straight through the night no matter how tired I am.  Some nights I'm so sleepy I end up crashing on the couch, impossible to wake up.  Sometimes I purposely go to sleep on the couch and consciously tell myself to wake up in a few hours because Ryan will want me to come to bed for...snuggles...which keeps me up later than I want and then I get grumpy and have more broken, sucky sleep.  It's a horrible cycle (mental, I think).  I feel bad crashing early because Ryan is usually up much later than I am and I feel like I don't spend enough time with him, but when I crash early, I'm up at 3 or 5 am.

I was SO excited last night because I got to crash early-ish.  About 12 or 1 or so.  It was lovely.  Ryan was exhausted so I rubbed his back till he went to bed.  I turned off all of the kitchen lights so it was complete darkness.  So wonderful.  I only had a little trouble falling asleep because of the burn on my shoulders.  I thought I was going to get a good night's rest.  I was wrong.  I woke up at some point to complete silence and hardly any covers because Ryan had stolen them all in his impossible to wake state, so I pulled a corner free and covered the best I could.  It was way too cold for just a corner so I pulled for more covers with no success.  I guess I fell back asleep because I woke up to a beep and was suddenly surrounded by the sound of all of the electronics at once.  This made me realize that it was so quiet because the power had gone out.

I finally managed to get some blanket from Ryan, but then I realized that because the power went out, my alarm clock needed resetting, but I didn't know what time it was so I went to crash on the couch with my own  blanket and my phone that doesn't require a plug in the wall to wake me up.  Turns out it was 3am...figures.  I crash and keep waking up every hour until it was time to wake up.  Even with last night's series of events, I feel mostly well rested.  Although, I'll probably go home and cuddle/nap with my cat just because the house is clean and I have the time to enjoy the relaxation instead of feeling like I need it or I'm gonna die.  Ten minutes then I get to go battle the heat to get home.  Yay, for no a/c in the car and vinyl seating.  /sarcasm

Monday, July 30, 2012

Rant! :D

Onto another topic of annoyance for me...pet peeve, really.  Crossing the street!!  In this case, MY response will be a little dramatic :P  At work, I (all employees) have to park across a sometimes busy road in a church parking lot because our parking is very limited...like, MAYBE 15 spots for donors...I've never actually counted.  Anyhoo, we park across the street to give our donors more available parking...something about customer service.  Here's my attempt at a poorly drawn diagram:

The stick figure on the corner is me waiting for the main road to be clear.  There are no crosswalks.  You just cross when it's clear.  As a pedestrian, because there is no crosswalk, it is MY responsibility to cross when clear and to yield to traffic because it's a main road, not a traffic light.  The annoyance comes when people stop in the middle of the road and signal for me to cross!  They don't have a stop sign and I'm not making moves to cross.  I'm just standing there and they stop (or people at the stop sign to my left wait and make things awkward as well).  I understand that they're trying to be nice, but it's their right of way, NOT mine!!!  It especially gets annoying when there are other cars behind them who actually know the laws and know how to drive and now they're getting frustrated because the moron in front of them just stopped traffic to let some pedestrian, who doesn't have the right of way, cross the road.  If I'm particularly irritated by the situation that day I'll look the other way and ignore them, or I'll blatantly turn around and walk back up the hill.  Childish, I know, but people need to learn how to drive...and how to use turn signals.

Do you smell that?

Yes, that:

That would be my skin burning to a crisp :(...the word crisp might be and exaggeration.  I typically spend about 15 minutes outside, unprotected, because it's healthy for vitamin D and such.  Pruning my tomatoes apparently took more than my usual 15 and I ended up with a nicely developed burn...it looks worst than that in real life...or maybe it's just developed a bit more since the picture.  I'm one of those crazies that wears sunscreen in the middle of winter.  I haven't shown a burn like this in almost six years.  Last time I burned it was sun poisoning and I vowed to never go without protection again.  Well, like I said, tomatoes needed more pruning than I thought and I didn't notice the burn until I rolled off the couch after a nap.  Oy, then I noticed it big time >.<  My dear husband was nice enough to help me by soaking my back with witch hazel <3

My mom tried to give me the whole "Amanda, you need to be careful.  You know cancer runs in the family" yada yada yada, as if I was TRYING to sport a tan or something.  Reprimanding me on Facebook of all places, like I'm 13 ;)  I understand her concern, but one day (not even a whole day...like 30 minutes...yea, I should break it down into minutes) out of six years is 0.0004% of the time that I've been out long enough to burn.  I'm not going to the tanning bed every week.  Another thing to note in regards to family history of cancer is that they DID spend time in tanning beds and time out in the sun without protection for years (oh, the decades!) AND they smoke.  Maybe I'm wrong, but I think the odds of recovery and repair from spending 0.0001% (minutes, baby) of my time in the sun are in my favor.  I love my mom and generally value her advice, but I think her reaction is a little dramatic this time.  

Friday, July 27, 2012


I hadn't planned on posting again since my last post was so long, but this is something that hits me really hard.  As an animal lover and cat owner, this sickens me to the core.  I say "owner" loosely because everyone who has pets knows that you share your household with them as family.  They CHOOSE to be with us and love us.  We can't make them follow us around the house obsessively, and we can't make them be lap animals.  They choose to do these things out of love and companionship with their humans.

These actions posted in this article really make me hate human beings.  I know not all people do this to animals, and that there are truly loving and caring people out there.  But, how can so many heartless people STILL exist?!  More so, why do they think that we need to test on animals?!  The way I see it, is that most basic ingredients in all of our products aren't new.  If we feel the "need" to test for potential dangers then we probably, as organic, natural beings, shouldn't be using is it anyway.  Most testing is done to check for reactions to ingredients of chemical laden products.  We shouldn't be using chemicals in products anyway.

In regards to research for diseases, etc, we shouldn't subject animals (helpless creatures) to that exposure.  Animals they use in testing aren't human or even relative to human and so, not only can they not agree or disagree to the experiments, but the results aren't even accurate because products react differently on people than they do on animals.  Human beings should be used for accuracy and for the fact that they can CHOOSE to volunteer.

I can't think straight anymore.  I'm sure there are other opinions on the subject so my anger might be "irrational" to some.  I am also not holding up well after only three hours of sleep and I think it's making me emotional.  I've had to correct so many typos.  I will probably read both of today's posts later and ask myself "WTF" :P

End rant.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Monday, Monday.

I was so not ready for you.  Sleep has been awful this weekend.  Friday night we went to one of our favorite local restaurants, then we decided it was a good night to go the park!  Yay!  Or not.  We got kicked out.  We were unaware of hours because 1.) There's no gate indicating closure, 2.) There are no hours posted (really, they're morons), and 3.) We've been to the very same park I don't know how many times at the same time (11pm, just fyi) and it's never been a freaking issue before.  I probably wouldn't be so mad if the Johnson City police weren't all douche bags who assume that only juvenile delinquents hang out at the park at night...because you know, the few of us sitting at a picnic table chatting and keeping to ourselves in a lighted pavilion TOTALLY qualifies as delinquent behavior...idiots.  Then officer ho hum had the nerve to ask if we had left a pizza box in another area of the park.  We wear bright clothes, we're all well kept, and we aren't covered in tattoos/piercings/brightly colored hair/etc.  WTF.  Johnson City, TN is officially the lamest city ever for nerds who can't sleep at night.

Saturday was pretty good.  We went to a local comic con.  I sported my star fleet attire.

Also, the puppets were a hit.  Oh, I haven't told you.  My husband and his friends produce a mini web series.



Click "episodes" on the left hand side.  Geeky, Invader Zim type humor.  Hope you enjoy!

Anyway, dinner consisted of hot dogs (no bun because buns have refined carbs and just because I prefer no bun...but the carb things has stopped my husband from nagging me about it), steak, homemade mac and cheese (not as many carbs as I thought there'd be, so I HAPPILY splurged for this one (was still under my daily carb goal), baked beans (I ate a whopping table spoon), green beans, and chili (which I opted out of since I had beans, but had some for leftovers the next day).  My friend thought the steak was too pink (I love a medium steak...none of that charred nonsense) so I promised him that if he died from the overly pink steak, that I'd host the best funeral ever...because it's probably one of the best steaks he'll ever have.  I finished my book at 3:30/4am and ended up falling asleep on the couch.

I don't usually like shopping.  I love the idea of shopping and getting new clothes and what have you, but shopping is not fun for me at my current size, but we had super cash for Old Navy so my husband took me shopping.  A good friend of ours told me he has to be more pushy toward me because I shouldn't go without clothes and it should be an enjoyable experience.  I'm glad she told him this (behind my back, btw) because I ACTUALLY  enjoyed yesterday.  I found pants that I like and a new shirt and he was super patient and didn't nag at my insecurities.  For the record, he really likes shopping so he was more than thrilled to help me find clothes.  And, the greatest part, is that he always gives and honest opinion.  It was a very sweet, couple focused day <3

Today isn't particularly exciting yet.  I'm quite sleepy still (last night's sleep sucked, too) so I'm hoping for a nap when I get home.  We'll see.

Have a good day, all!

Thursday, July 19, 2012

A Weighty Subject

Well, I have thirty minutes to kill, so I'm going to talk a little about my current try at weight loss.  Before that, an image.  You see those circles on the floor?  Those are a small portion of rubber bands that have been flicked at me.  I'm apparently today's target lol

On to it!  I have been overweight for most of my life...at least 17/23 if I had to guess.  I got down to an okay weight during my senior year of high school through what I regard now as unsafe measures.  My friend had unhealthy eating habits gearing toward not eating nearly enough, I had a friendship with a vegetarian and quickly became aware of my eating.  My parents divorced, my mom moved out, and suddenly I was in charge of what food entered the household.  I loved being vegetarian.  I lost about 40 pounds before I knew it.  After always being overweight, though, I didn't appreciate the new me like I should have and still felt quite large.  Looking back on pictures now, I grow quite angry at myself for feeling that way at the time.  Being 220lbs right now, I would give anything to be that size again.

What changed??  I started dating the guy I had wanted to be with for 2+ years.  He moved half way across the country while I was still quite overweight (200, I'd guess before the loss), but he claimed love for me and promised to come back.  I became obsessed with working out and being vegetarian (just because I preferred it...not for morals) while he was gone and when he came back I was a lovely 155lbs and he still cared for me, but neither of us understood to what extent at the time so we played with each others' emotions until we got together six months after he returned. I was so thrilled when we started dating.  It was my dream come true.  We spent every possible moment together and so I stopped working out.  His family teased me for being vegetarian and it simply became more convenient to eat meat again.  This compiled with resorting to my old distorted portion views, I apparently gained five pounds in the first five months of being together, but I still felt okay.  The next year at my physical, I was 172.  It's just been a gain since then.

I often flirt with diets and working out, but I can't not eat because of my migraines.  When I started working full time, I began to fear my migraines so I would eat a "snack" on my first break to absolutely make sure that I didn't get a migraine from not eating between breakfast and lunch.  It became a horrible cycle.  And then I found myself at 224.  My lab coat didn't fit me anymore and my clients thought I was pregnant.  Oy!  But even then, I still had portion distortion issues.  I became part of the LoseIt.com community (only in the last couple of months becoming serious...look me up!). I joined a gym and loved it, but I wasn't losing weight because I wasn't focusing on my calories.  The gym introduced me to body fat analyzers and eating programs, but I couldn't stick with the program like they "wanted" me to.  So many excuses.  I STILL don't go to the gym as often as I should because I don't want to sacrifice the time with my husband which is what started this whole mess.  Oh, I should mention that my husband is that guy from paragraph two.  Yea, we made it :D  Husband shows gestures of support.  He questions my food choices and asks me about my workouts and says he'll be fine if I go more.  Then I get pumped and all excited like "OMGICANDOTHIS", until Friday night when everyone wants to hang out and they're calling me wondering when I'll be done at the gym.  And so I stop going so I won't hear talk about how I never see anyone anymore.

Now to food.  I stopped working with the public this April and work a desk job so I am focusing more on intuitive eating.  I can eat when I get hungry instead of going several hours without food, so unless it's that time of the month, my migraines are pretty much gone.  It's great, right?!  Wrong.  I wasn't satisfied with what I was eating.  I want so bad to be vegetarian again, even vegan, but I've realized that I don't stay full on those types of foods because they're mostly carbs.  I watched the documentary "Fat Head" and jumped on the "carbs are bad" bandwagon.  I now keep my carbs under 150 and I feel amazing!  I eat lots of meats and veggies and a LITTLE potato with dinner.  It's awesome.  But, I don't eat carbs for the reasons stated in "Fat Head".  I leave them out simply because they don't satisfy me and I end up starving within the hour.  My diet right now is about 50% fat.  Pros commend low fat diets because a gram of fat has 9 calories instead of the 4 that proteins and carbs have so it's easy to overeat.  That is so so so so wrong in my case.  I have consistently been under budget several days in a row because fats fill me up better and keep me satisfied so I don't feel the need to eat more.  I had oatmeal for breakfast with peanut butter and strawberries (approx 50 of my 150 carb limit).

Fats, protein, carbs, fruits, etc.  Sounds good?  It was DELICIOUS, but I felt miserable after eating it.  I'm bloated, sluggish, and can't focus.  It sucks.

Since starting this, it's been extremely easy to go from 250 to 150 carbs by cutting out processed garbage.  I'm thinking about reducing them to 100 or less now with weight loss as the focus for this since 50 of my carbs right now come from habitual guilty pleasures that I really don't crave anymore after eating more fat (ice cream *cough cough*).  I'm really excited.  It isn't a diet.  It's something that I'm really enjoying and benefiting from and can EASILY maintain with great success.  I lost .5% body fat last week alone! I'm so excited!

The big thing I'm trying to keep in mind is that even though I want to think I can do everything at once, I really can't.  Right now I'm working on food since most of weight loss happens in the kitchen.  I work out when I feel like it and when I know everyone will approve and try not to stress to much about it all.  I stress really easy which I know isn't good for anyone so that's something I'm ALWAYS trying to focus on.

I break down pretty easy in terms of consistent exercise.  My feet start to hurt and take days to recovery...like, it seriously hurts to walk and it makes me look crippled.  I get bored.  I don't like for my heart beat to get to high...but that's just laziness, not an actual reason.  So for now, focusing on food (and the stress thing).  I try not to eat breakfast until 12 hours after my last meal the day before because it apparently isn't what time your last meal is, but the time lapse to give your body proper fat break down time.  So far, it seems to be working.  The best thing I've noticed so far is that I had absolutely no bloating during my period last week.  None!  Lower carb and being consistent in my water intake seems to be helping all aspects of my life so far :D

I might go into more detail on things later since this is all quite scattered, but right now it's time to go!  Meeting new friends at Which Wich in an hour and tomorrow is my 4:30 day!  Hoorah!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

What?! You're blogging now?!

Yes, I am!

I am starting this blog solely for the purpose of conversation, discussion, and thought sorting....life, weight loss, etc.  I cannot promise to be entertaining or enlightening, though I certainly hope you find yourself amused.  It will be informal and I may use choice words when I deem appropriate, though probably not often (you know what words I'm talking about).  I do promise to be candid, open, and heartfelt.  I love discussion...not yelling battles of who is right or wrong, but calm discussions on issues (probably not political), theories, and sometimes morals.

Some people say I'm weird.  I generally disagree, but, what do I know?  I will share most of my thoughts and habits so you can tell me I'm not the only person who does it...or maybe tell me that I AM weird and shouldn't ever disclose that information again ;)

I don't plan on purposely offending people, but if I do...well, I can't say that I care, honestly.  You're not being dragged here and forced to read.  Also, share your opinion...especially if I've offended you.  I'm VERY open minded (seriously...in all things...open minded!! Not many things phase me anymore...promise) and love hearing other points...there may be something I've missed that could completely change my view on things.  That being said, if I'm feeling particularly awful one day, I'll strictly argue one side of an argument just to get other people to THINK about it, even if I don't necessarily agree.  I suppose you could say that I don't have a truly strong opinion about many things because I tend to agree with points on both sides...it's all about balance, yea?  (I feel really strongly about recycling, though...and other things of that nature)

I've also been called a hippy.  I would agree.  I would probably be involved in all sorts of radical movements and ideas if I weren't working so hard to impress the government with my responsibility status.  Although, outside of paying my taxes and bills on time, I do love to indulge in "legal" hippy matters.  I'm an artist at heart.  I play piano, sometimes violin (or fiddle, if your prefer).  I paint when I have the time, and draw.  I love all things about the Earth...plants, animals...not so much people...sorry.

On a daily basis, I do wear makeup to fulfill that art side of me...my little 30 minute fix.  I don't wear makeup because I feel I NEED to, but because I like to express myself certain ways.  I often go without make up.  I'm quite pale, being born a natural redhead with blue eyes, so on those "naked" days I quite often get asked if I'm feeling okay, but I've gotten used to that.  I even had one guy tell me that I'd look good with a tan.  Really?!  Do I LOOK like I could tan?!  Burn, peel, freckle, and fade, guys.  That's it.  I don't blame him, though.  There are images surrounding us everyday of unrealistic ideals.

I suppose that is all I have to say for now...not really.  I'm excited!  But I don't want to bore you anymore.

What do YOU want to read about?  I know I said this is mainly for me, but I really would like some discussion topics to keep what little readers I'll have interested!