Thursday, July 19, 2012

A Weighty Subject

Well, I have thirty minutes to kill, so I'm going to talk a little about my current try at weight loss.  Before that, an image.  You see those circles on the floor?  Those are a small portion of rubber bands that have been flicked at me.  I'm apparently today's target lol

On to it!  I have been overweight for most of my least 17/23 if I had to guess.  I got down to an okay weight during my senior year of high school through what I regard now as unsafe measures.  My friend had unhealthy eating habits gearing toward not eating nearly enough, I had a friendship with a vegetarian and quickly became aware of my eating.  My parents divorced, my mom moved out, and suddenly I was in charge of what food entered the household.  I loved being vegetarian.  I lost about 40 pounds before I knew it.  After always being overweight, though, I didn't appreciate the new me like I should have and still felt quite large.  Looking back on pictures now, I grow quite angry at myself for feeling that way at the time.  Being 220lbs right now, I would give anything to be that size again.

What changed??  I started dating the guy I had wanted to be with for 2+ years.  He moved half way across the country while I was still quite overweight (200, I'd guess before the loss), but he claimed love for me and promised to come back.  I became obsessed with working out and being vegetarian (just because I preferred it...not for morals) while he was gone and when he came back I was a lovely 155lbs and he still cared for me, but neither of us understood to what extent at the time so we played with each others' emotions until we got together six months after he returned. I was so thrilled when we started dating.  It was my dream come true.  We spent every possible moment together and so I stopped working out.  His family teased me for being vegetarian and it simply became more convenient to eat meat again.  This compiled with resorting to my old distorted portion views, I apparently gained five pounds in the first five months of being together, but I still felt okay.  The next year at my physical, I was 172.  It's just been a gain since then.

I often flirt with diets and working out, but I can't not eat because of my migraines.  When I started working full time, I began to fear my migraines so I would eat a "snack" on my first break to absolutely make sure that I didn't get a migraine from not eating between breakfast and lunch.  It became a horrible cycle.  And then I found myself at 224.  My lab coat didn't fit me anymore and my clients thought I was pregnant.  Oy!  But even then, I still had portion distortion issues.  I became part of the community (only in the last couple of months becoming serious...look me up!). I joined a gym and loved it, but I wasn't losing weight because I wasn't focusing on my calories.  The gym introduced me to body fat analyzers and eating programs, but I couldn't stick with the program like they "wanted" me to.  So many excuses.  I STILL don't go to the gym as often as I should because I don't want to sacrifice the time with my husband which is what started this whole mess.  Oh, I should mention that my husband is that guy from paragraph two.  Yea, we made it :D  Husband shows gestures of support.  He questions my food choices and asks me about my workouts and says he'll be fine if I go more.  Then I get pumped and all excited like "OMGICANDOTHIS", until Friday night when everyone wants to hang out and they're calling me wondering when I'll be done at the gym.  And so I stop going so I won't hear talk about how I never see anyone anymore.

Now to food.  I stopped working with the public this April and work a desk job so I am focusing more on intuitive eating.  I can eat when I get hungry instead of going several hours without food, so unless it's that time of the month, my migraines are pretty much gone.  It's great, right?!  Wrong.  I wasn't satisfied with what I was eating.  I want so bad to be vegetarian again, even vegan, but I've realized that I don't stay full on those types of foods because they're mostly carbs.  I watched the documentary "Fat Head" and jumped on the "carbs are bad" bandwagon.  I now keep my carbs under 150 and I feel amazing!  I eat lots of meats and veggies and a LITTLE potato with dinner.  It's awesome.  But, I don't eat carbs for the reasons stated in "Fat Head".  I leave them out simply because they don't satisfy me and I end up starving within the hour.  My diet right now is about 50% fat.  Pros commend low fat diets because a gram of fat has 9 calories instead of the 4 that proteins and carbs have so it's easy to overeat.  That is so so so so wrong in my case.  I have consistently been under budget several days in a row because fats fill me up better and keep me satisfied so I don't feel the need to eat more.  I had oatmeal for breakfast with peanut butter and strawberries (approx 50 of my 150 carb limit).

Fats, protein, carbs, fruits, etc.  Sounds good?  It was DELICIOUS, but I felt miserable after eating it.  I'm bloated, sluggish, and can't focus.  It sucks.

Since starting this, it's been extremely easy to go from 250 to 150 carbs by cutting out processed garbage.  I'm thinking about reducing them to 100 or less now with weight loss as the focus for this since 50 of my carbs right now come from habitual guilty pleasures that I really don't crave anymore after eating more fat (ice cream *cough cough*).  I'm really excited.  It isn't a diet.  It's something that I'm really enjoying and benefiting from and can EASILY maintain with great success.  I lost .5% body fat last week alone! I'm so excited!

The big thing I'm trying to keep in mind is that even though I want to think I can do everything at once, I really can't.  Right now I'm working on food since most of weight loss happens in the kitchen.  I work out when I feel like it and when I know everyone will approve and try not to stress to much about it all.  I stress really easy which I know isn't good for anyone so that's something I'm ALWAYS trying to focus on.

I break down pretty easy in terms of consistent exercise.  My feet start to hurt and take days to, it seriously hurts to walk and it makes me look crippled.  I get bored.  I don't like for my heart beat to get to high...but that's just laziness, not an actual reason.  So for now, focusing on food (and the stress thing).  I try not to eat breakfast until 12 hours after my last meal the day before because it apparently isn't what time your last meal is, but the time lapse to give your body proper fat break down time.  So far, it seems to be working.  The best thing I've noticed so far is that I had absolutely no bloating during my period last week.  None!  Lower carb and being consistent in my water intake seems to be helping all aspects of my life so far :D

I might go into more detail on things later since this is all quite scattered, but right now it's time to go!  Meeting new friends at Which Wich in an hour and tomorrow is my 4:30 day!  Hoorah!

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