Sunday, April 19, 2015

Making Time

In the craziness of everyday I often forget to take the time to nourish my own soul. I get so busy doing things that I think will make me happy like trying to keep my kitchen clean and the apartment swept, but It doesn't. Cleaning can be therapeutic, but I don't always enjoy it. Work and my commute keep me tired. My sleep schedule sucks. It all takes its toll. In light of recent events I have put aside the things that I convince myself will make me happy and am actually *doing* things that make me happy: art, books, music, dance. I'm just being silly, being me, without care of what people may think. In place of trying to keep a tidy home, I've been living, surrounded by my best friends, my husband, and my family.  Life is hard, but it is beautiful.

We went to Asheville yesterday. We went around dinner time, calling ahead to make sure Doc Chey's was actually open. They always seems to have something awful happening when we try to go. First their pipes burst, then they had a fire. I was sad to see that they did not have the coconut tofu still. It was still tasty, though. We mingled around downtown, but most of the shops were closed or closing. As we walked we came across Marc Hennessey and his drummer. We had passed several street performers (because, you know, it's Asheville, and they're everywhere), but Marc intrigued me. 

I often listen to music. The genre changes based on my mood. I didn't realize how long it had been since I had really felt the music I was listening to. Yes, songs make me happy, sad, angry, joyful, etc, but I haven't truly been *feeling* the notes as they are played or the impressions they would leave. Last night, though. Last night I felt it. I took a video on my phone, but it is of poor quality with traffic and pedestrians, but I will post a link to a YouTube video of the particular song in question. It isn't quite as fine tuned as last night's performance, but it speaks to me all the same. 

I realized when I stopped my phone recording that I had been crying. I feel silly typing that, but I know some of you will understand. It wasn't a sob and there was no connection to any particular event. It was just an emotional release. That song made me feel very deeply sad, but happy at the same time. It was powerful and I'm so glad I got to experience it. Ryan joked, "you're all watery" until I told him how I was feeling and he just put his arm around me without another word. I'm so glad he understands.

And to think, we almost didn't go. The person that suggested it couldn't even make it, but the guys were excited and my other friend wanted out of the house. We almost stayed home and watched movies or played board games. I really needed last night and I am so thankful that I let go of the hesitation that almost stopped me from going. 

Its amazing how things work out. 

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