Tomorrow I am joining a friend on a journey. Trying to fix things around me isn't going to happen if I don't try to fix the stuff I am eating. This won't be a baby step, though. This is going to be a 30 day journey of jumping straight into the cleanest possible eating. I am excited to feel further empowered. Here is a link if you'd like to join us!
http://whole9life.com/
I am not buying the book or anything. The website is extremely helpful on its own, and there are plenty of internet resources for recipes.
The only thing that really been stressing me out lately (and killing that empowerment) is our financial situation. Every pay period we risk overdraft. It's a battle of hoping that nothing hard posts onto the account until Wednesday or Thursday depending on which pay period it is. And then we can't catch up or start relatively fresh because we've already having to deduct previous transactions on our most recent income. It is terrifying, not to mention unhealthy. If things don't look up at work I may have to look for a job closer to home (my least preferred option), ask to transfer back to my previous location (please, no), and/or move out of our house that we love so much (I don't want a sucky landlord and neighbors again *cry*).
All of this would be solved by moving to Texas, but we're not quite ready for that yet. We look very forward to it, yes, but all of our friends are still here and we want to spend as much time with them as possible before we all leave the area. There is even less to do where we're going that there is to do here, and we're not entirely ready to settle down that much. I can't wait for the longer growing seasons so I can (hopefully) be mostly self sufficient in growing my own produce, have chickens, and all. I can't wait to be able to afford to go back to school. But, we're young, and we've got time. I don't know how long it'll be before we go, but I know it'll be soon enough so I plan to at least try and enjoy the time we have here, financial stress and all.
At the moment, finances aside, I have three major tasks ahead of me. I may have mentioned them, but if I have they still aren't done because they're not imperative to my survival in life so they keep getting put off, usually to hang out with the friends, etc.
The Camry needs to be cleaned. The trunk is full of random odds and ends, including cardboard boxes, expired, but still edible, tortillas from Taco Bell (though I won't be eating them on Whole30), and water guns from the past several summers (they've been in there for the past several years).
The garage needs to be cleaned out. It isn't much of a garage (no door, no interior walls, dirt floor, falling apart), but at least it could look more clean. There is trash in which I can't remember its origin, old boxes, and it's ill organized.
Last, but certainly not least as it should improve the exterior of our house, is the flower bed. There are no flowers. It's all crabgrass, clay and weeds. It would very difficult to fix so I plan to gut it, lay weed cloth, refill with good dirt, and start fresh. This will still be difficult, but a fresh start is more satisfying that looking at, and trying to sanely maintain, the problem foundation. I am sure this will provide time to continue testing the coconut oil sunscreen :)
I'm going to go play in the dirt now <3
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Friday, April 12, 2013
SO Happy the Day is Over
It wasn't a "bad" day necessarily. I wasn't really in a bad mood. I just couldn't function as a human being. I made careless mistakes at work, bumped into too many people, dropped things, couldn't write correct words or dates, could speak properly, and just sucked at living.
I spent three days this week in the sun and received copious amounts of rays. I didn't burn...at all. I make dinner tonight and I burn my finger with boiling water that ran down a wooden spoon. It blistered immediately. I've got it covered in aloe vera gel and coconut oil. It's the middle finger on my right hand...on my first digit knuckle...right where it bends. Sticking fingers at work tomorrow is going to be awful.
On a positive note, my coworkers kept me mostly cheery, I didn't have to close, I took a nap when I got home, and dinner was amazing. Oh, and my homemade deodorant is still working wonders. I'm trying really hard to smell a fault and I just can't find one.
Ryan's mom is visiting soon. I'm super excited. I miss that woman <3
I forgot to mention that I made my own automatic dishwasher powder in yesterday's post. I'm still trying to work out kinks in the recipe. Our dishwasher never really did all that great with cleaning, even with really "good" commercial brands. It does better with the homemade, but not wonderful. I still end up washing my drinking glasses by hand.
It is time to cuddle and watch Futurama. It's so much better now that I've seen the first episode. It actually makes sense and doesn't just look plain stupid.
I wish I had a more informative post for you. I bet you're surprised that you actually get three posts this week ;)
Happy Friday, Everyone!
I spent three days this week in the sun and received copious amounts of rays. I didn't burn...at all. I make dinner tonight and I burn my finger with boiling water that ran down a wooden spoon. It blistered immediately. I've got it covered in aloe vera gel and coconut oil. It's the middle finger on my right hand...on my first digit knuckle...right where it bends. Sticking fingers at work tomorrow is going to be awful.
On a positive note, my coworkers kept me mostly cheery, I didn't have to close, I took a nap when I got home, and dinner was amazing. Oh, and my homemade deodorant is still working wonders. I'm trying really hard to smell a fault and I just can't find one.
Ryan's mom is visiting soon. I'm super excited. I miss that woman <3
I forgot to mention that I made my own automatic dishwasher powder in yesterday's post. I'm still trying to work out kinks in the recipe. Our dishwasher never really did all that great with cleaning, even with really "good" commercial brands. It does better with the homemade, but not wonderful. I still end up washing my drinking glasses by hand.
It is time to cuddle and watch Futurama. It's so much better now that I've seen the first episode. It actually makes sense and doesn't just look plain stupid.
I wish I had a more informative post for you. I bet you're surprised that you actually get three posts this week ;)
Happy Friday, Everyone!
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Crunchy and What Not
This whole ridding my house of chemicals thing is wonderful. I feel better, have more energy, generally sleep better, and I've become aware of my body and its processes. I has really allowed me to recognize and respond to situations I never would have given a second thought about. I love it. I would probably have more trouble adjusting if I jumped in to everything all at once, but taking baby steps has made this an easy, and quite pleasant, journey. This has also saved me a great deal of money in addition to the physical and mental well-being aspects.
In mid January, I used a friend's recipe to make laundry detergent. It cost me a whopping $3 to make, and I'm STILL using it three months later with plenty more to go. My whites are whiter, my colors are brighter, and it has pretty awesome stain removal abilities (grass stains after mowing yesterday). It even worked on dried up cat vomit (the gross, hairy, slimy, dried kind...because you SO wanted to read that).
I used beet and carrot juice to "dye" my hair. It wasn't a noticeable dye job to anyone, but I noticed more depth to the color which satisfied my need to do something to my hair without actually doing anything drastic to it. Note: if using a home juicer, strain the pulp before putting it in your hair. Mmhmm...yep.
A couple of weeks ago I used up the last of my cleaning product so I began using equal parts water and vinegar. I'm not overly fond of the smell of vinegar, but it's okay. I kept reminding myself that it was essentially a salad dressing and that helped me mentally. The smell also goes away when it dries. Note for those who love hard core cleaners so you feel that your house is super duper clean: the acid in the vinegar is a natural disinfectant. No need to poison yourself with commercial cleaner residue (because I know you don't rinse everything with water after cleaning...and because water isn't enough to get rid of all residue). The body is made to fight off certain things. You're fighting bacteria at home, not cooties at the hospital. It'll be okay. Just do it.
I also stopped using shampoo months ago. I mix baking soda with my conditioner. Two in one, baby. Yes, I know the conditioner has chemicals, too, but my main concern was the stuff that makes shampoo lather. It's icky and harmful. How has my hair reacted? After getting used to my hair not being silky smooth after rinsing, it's been great! It's still super soft when it dries, it's manageable and pretty easy to style, even WITHOUT products to hold it in place, I have less dandruff and dry skin, my scalp no longer itches when I sweat, and it's super quick and easy....and cheap. Everything I mention here will be cheap...as if you hadn't figured that out.
I'm about to try a hand soap recipe...thing. I've got to find a recipe that doesn't simply water down a commercial bought bar of soap because that's defeating the purpose.
I'm going to start making my own loaf bread instead of buying the processed garbage from the store. I try to eat everything else minimally processed. There's no reason not to try the bread to given how much of it we eat.
Yesterday I made deodorant... as discussed in yesterday's post. It held strong ALL day, even through mowing the second half of the yard. It's marvelous! My commercial deodorant typically runs out of staying power less than half way through the work day. I just can't rave enough about this one. I still sweat, but that's tolerable. I just don't want to smell.
I haven't jumped on the tooth paste thing. My teeth are prone to cavities so I'm hesitant about replacing it, but it turns out that the glycerin in most commercial tooth pastes prevent your teeth from remineralizing so maybe it would be better to make my own.
I don't use a face wash anymore. It's coconut oil, or coconut oil with baking soda if I need extra oil control of exfoliation. It also, obviously, acts as my moisturizer.
Lastly, I went without sunscreen this evening when I finished mowing the yard. I went 30 minutes without any issues. I wore a hat and glasses to protect my eyes, but that was it. It was also evening and not the worst time of day to be in it. I obviously won't know if the coconut oil sun lotion will be successful until later, but I'll try to keep you updated and progress...or faults if it happens.
This isn't a chemical issues, but a lifestyle choice. We began recycling when we moved into this house. I never knew how much stuff we threw away until I started looking at the many things that can be recycled. There are weeks when I put two bins by the road. People who have recycling services offered to them, should take advantage of them.
Back to chemicals and mass market companies. I am baffled and appalled that they use the ingredients they choose and happily market their products to the public. They are truly dreadful and should be avoided at all cost. We are led to believe that these products are safe and beneficial, but they are most certainly not. We are slowly poisoning ourselves as a society, and most of us don't even know it because there isn't enough education about the issue at hand.
I realize that I have written about the improvements I've chosen to make, but haven't really discussed why. Aside from being cheaper, and not really all that time consuming, I started because I care about my health and watched too many documentaries to not want to make a change. I may pick topics to discuss, one at a time to help this purpose...things like aluminum in deodorant, fluoride in toothpaste and our drinking water, phthalates in fragrances, etc.
For now, though, I think I've rambled long enough. I hope you've had a good wednesday!
In mid January, I used a friend's recipe to make laundry detergent. It cost me a whopping $3 to make, and I'm STILL using it three months later with plenty more to go. My whites are whiter, my colors are brighter, and it has pretty awesome stain removal abilities (grass stains after mowing yesterday). It even worked on dried up cat vomit (the gross, hairy, slimy, dried kind...because you SO wanted to read that).
I used beet and carrot juice to "dye" my hair. It wasn't a noticeable dye job to anyone, but I noticed more depth to the color which satisfied my need to do something to my hair without actually doing anything drastic to it. Note: if using a home juicer, strain the pulp before putting it in your hair. Mmhmm...yep.
A couple of weeks ago I used up the last of my cleaning product so I began using equal parts water and vinegar. I'm not overly fond of the smell of vinegar, but it's okay. I kept reminding myself that it was essentially a salad dressing and that helped me mentally. The smell also goes away when it dries. Note for those who love hard core cleaners so you feel that your house is super duper clean: the acid in the vinegar is a natural disinfectant. No need to poison yourself with commercial cleaner residue (because I know you don't rinse everything with water after cleaning...and because water isn't enough to get rid of all residue). The body is made to fight off certain things. You're fighting bacteria at home, not cooties at the hospital. It'll be okay. Just do it.
I also stopped using shampoo months ago. I mix baking soda with my conditioner. Two in one, baby. Yes, I know the conditioner has chemicals, too, but my main concern was the stuff that makes shampoo lather. It's icky and harmful. How has my hair reacted? After getting used to my hair not being silky smooth after rinsing, it's been great! It's still super soft when it dries, it's manageable and pretty easy to style, even WITHOUT products to hold it in place, I have less dandruff and dry skin, my scalp no longer itches when I sweat, and it's super quick and easy....and cheap. Everything I mention here will be cheap...as if you hadn't figured that out.
I'm about to try a hand soap recipe...thing. I've got to find a recipe that doesn't simply water down a commercial bought bar of soap because that's defeating the purpose.
I'm going to start making my own loaf bread instead of buying the processed garbage from the store. I try to eat everything else minimally processed. There's no reason not to try the bread to given how much of it we eat.
Yesterday I made deodorant... as discussed in yesterday's post. It held strong ALL day, even through mowing the second half of the yard. It's marvelous! My commercial deodorant typically runs out of staying power less than half way through the work day. I just can't rave enough about this one. I still sweat, but that's tolerable. I just don't want to smell.
I haven't jumped on the tooth paste thing. My teeth are prone to cavities so I'm hesitant about replacing it, but it turns out that the glycerin in most commercial tooth pastes prevent your teeth from remineralizing so maybe it would be better to make my own.
I don't use a face wash anymore. It's coconut oil, or coconut oil with baking soda if I need extra oil control of exfoliation. It also, obviously, acts as my moisturizer.
Lastly, I went without sunscreen this evening when I finished mowing the yard. I went 30 minutes without any issues. I wore a hat and glasses to protect my eyes, but that was it. It was also evening and not the worst time of day to be in it. I obviously won't know if the coconut oil sun lotion will be successful until later, but I'll try to keep you updated and progress...or faults if it happens.
This isn't a chemical issues, but a lifestyle choice. We began recycling when we moved into this house. I never knew how much stuff we threw away until I started looking at the many things that can be recycled. There are weeks when I put two bins by the road. People who have recycling services offered to them, should take advantage of them.
Back to chemicals and mass market companies. I am baffled and appalled that they use the ingredients they choose and happily market their products to the public. They are truly dreadful and should be avoided at all cost. We are led to believe that these products are safe and beneficial, but they are most certainly not. We are slowly poisoning ourselves as a society, and most of us don't even know it because there isn't enough education about the issue at hand.
I realize that I have written about the improvements I've chosen to make, but haven't really discussed why. Aside from being cheaper, and not really all that time consuming, I started because I care about my health and watched too many documentaries to not want to make a change. I may pick topics to discuss, one at a time to help this purpose...things like aluminum in deodorant, fluoride in toothpaste and our drinking water, phthalates in fragrances, etc.
For now, though, I think I've rambled long enough. I hope you've had a good wednesday!
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Spring is Here!!
This means one thing. Garden!!! I mowed the yard today...well, the back yard....most of it. I thought I was going to die. Our yard is really dippy (previous tenants had dogs...dogs that dig), it's on a slight incline (after several passes it feels like a large incline), and we have a very basic push mower. This year we're hoping to sell this one and put the money toward a self propelled mower so the task will be less daunting. It started off pretty nice, though, and thankfully it was breezy out :)
In regards to sun protection, I'm going to try something new. Sunscreen would inevitably come up on my chemical no-no list, so I started looking at alternatives well before spring got here. The body is amazing, and if treated properly, will generally take care of necessary processes, sun protection included. I mean, how did the primal human make it before such protection?
The low down:
Sunscreen is made to prevent your body from absorbing rays that turn cells cancerous. Unfortunately, our bodies rely on the sun to product Vitamin D. No ray absorption = no Vitamin D. I learned recently that Vitamin D helps your body protect against sun damage. You may still color, etc, but Vitamin D aids in preventing our cells from turning cancerous. No ray absorption = no Vitamin D = no natural sun protection. All of this sunscreen business is another money making marketing scam....mostly. I still believe in some protection. I wore a hat and sunglasses while mowing to protect my eyes and what not.
At the moment, I am "seasoning" my skin to the sun. You obviously can't go out for hours and expect your skin to react kindly. Start out slow. I worked in the yard this weekend in 10-20 minute increments. Today I was out for about 40 minutes. I used a low SPF moisturizer to help for now. I also used it so I can use up the last of my store bought moisturizer and convert completely to coconut oil. So far, I have not experienced any burning sensations, just that nice warm relaxed sense of being :)
The final ingredient to this fix is coconut oil. It serves the same sort of protection that Vitamin D does as it prevents cells from turning cancerous. It also helps, possibly more so, if ingested, so I've started cooking with it or adding it to my smoothies or coffee, etc. This is, of course, not at all guaranteed, but there is extensive research supporting these claims, and being fair skinned, I am thrilled to see if it proves true as sunscreens are extremely greasy and uncomfortable to wear.
Why don't I just buy an all natural sunscreen? Why would you even ask me that? You know I can't afford all of that with the $350 (not including extra gas usage and time away from home due to the drive) less I get a month since my work transfer (bitter much?). Part of making things from scratch is to save money. We're lucky if we break even right now.
Making things from scratch has been great fun. I've also noticed a definite improvement in my mood and energy since using less chemicals in the house. I'll give an update later on the switches I've made. It is a slow process as I don't want to overwhelm myself by making everything all at once. I also have a small stock pile of various products that I intend to use up as I did pay money for them. I've contemplated giving stuff away, but decided against it. It's mostly my body sprays from Bath and Body Works, but the time it will take me to use them will give me a chance to stock up on essential oils that I can use as perfume later as I can't afford to buy all of the necessary or wanted essential oils at the moment.
I hope you guys are well and experiencing warm weather wherever you may be.
In regards to sun protection, I'm going to try something new. Sunscreen would inevitably come up on my chemical no-no list, so I started looking at alternatives well before spring got here. The body is amazing, and if treated properly, will generally take care of necessary processes, sun protection included. I mean, how did the primal human make it before such protection?
The low down:
Sunscreen is made to prevent your body from absorbing rays that turn cells cancerous. Unfortunately, our bodies rely on the sun to product Vitamin D. No ray absorption = no Vitamin D. I learned recently that Vitamin D helps your body protect against sun damage. You may still color, etc, but Vitamin D aids in preventing our cells from turning cancerous. No ray absorption = no Vitamin D = no natural sun protection. All of this sunscreen business is another money making marketing scam....mostly. I still believe in some protection. I wore a hat and sunglasses while mowing to protect my eyes and what not.
At the moment, I am "seasoning" my skin to the sun. You obviously can't go out for hours and expect your skin to react kindly. Start out slow. I worked in the yard this weekend in 10-20 minute increments. Today I was out for about 40 minutes. I used a low SPF moisturizer to help for now. I also used it so I can use up the last of my store bought moisturizer and convert completely to coconut oil. So far, I have not experienced any burning sensations, just that nice warm relaxed sense of being :)
The final ingredient to this fix is coconut oil. It serves the same sort of protection that Vitamin D does as it prevents cells from turning cancerous. It also helps, possibly more so, if ingested, so I've started cooking with it or adding it to my smoothies or coffee, etc. This is, of course, not at all guaranteed, but there is extensive research supporting these claims, and being fair skinned, I am thrilled to see if it proves true as sunscreens are extremely greasy and uncomfortable to wear.
Why don't I just buy an all natural sunscreen? Why would you even ask me that? You know I can't afford all of that with the $350 (not including extra gas usage and time away from home due to the drive) less I get a month since my work transfer (bitter much?). Part of making things from scratch is to save money. We're lucky if we break even right now.
Making things from scratch has been great fun. I've also noticed a definite improvement in my mood and energy since using less chemicals in the house. I'll give an update later on the switches I've made. It is a slow process as I don't want to overwhelm myself by making everything all at once. I also have a small stock pile of various products that I intend to use up as I did pay money for them. I've contemplated giving stuff away, but decided against it. It's mostly my body sprays from Bath and Body Works, but the time it will take me to use them will give me a chance to stock up on essential oils that I can use as perfume later as I can't afford to buy all of the necessary or wanted essential oils at the moment.
I hope you guys are well and experiencing warm weather wherever you may be.
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Changes
I mentioned last year (September, I believe) that there is an energy of change around us. This was shortly after we found out that my husband's grandmother was not doing well and realized she would soon be passing. It was the start of a series of events that greatly affected us, as individuals, and as a couple.
The events are as follows:
His grandmother *did* pass shortly after the statement. I still think about her. I am fortunate to have known her and to have been able to visit Texas and have her visit as many times as we did.
The company I work for transferred me from a position I loved to a position that I previously left because I didn't love it so much. This transfer included a 45 minutes commute (vs 10 min), a $1 less an hour (compiled with extra gas usage, another state's taxes, and the federal tax increase after the new year, I make $350-380 less in take home pay A MONTH), but coworkers that I am very happy to have met. I'm bitter about it, but at the same time, if given the chance to transfer back to my home city, I wouldn't do it. I was growing miserable there.
Our two best friends got engaged on Christmas Eve <3
Within the past month my coworker's grandmother passed away, my dad's neighbor that I'd known since I was born (or at least very small) passed away, and deaths seem to roll in 3s and 5s so I've had this digging feeling that something bad was going to happen. Yesterday I missed two phone calls while at work. I was there till close so after we slowed down to waiting on people to finish bleeding (that sounds awful), I got my phone to tweet my friends. I wanted to get some wine and play video games as it *was* Friday night. I noticed the most recent missed call (didn't notice the first one), but there was no message or text. Typically I would call on my way home, but something told me to call immediately. My dad didn't want to tell me while I was at work, but I kind of pressured him. He informed me that my mamaw had passed. The thing that hurt the most, at first, was hearing him choke up about it. He's grown quite emotional in the past few years, but I still think, as his little girl, that he never cries. I tried to collect myself before anything happened, but I just burst into wailing tears when I hung up the phone. I was a big embarrassed, but I couldn't help it. I tried to stop it, but it just kept coming.
I ended up with a migraine, and I certainly couldn't drive 45 minutes to get home. I would have caught a ride home with Diane, but I didn't want to have to come back to work on my day off just to pick up the car so my mom and her friend came to get me. My migraine escalated to severe nausea and a pounding head...so bad that it prevented me from falling asleep at first so Ryan sat with me until I crashed. I didn't wake up until 7 this morning. I told my dad I would visit him last night, but I didn't want to deal with everyone hanging on me and crying as I was already exhausted and miserable. I wanted to be there for my dad mostly, but he had support around him. I wanted to be there for my papaw, but he's got his kids and prayer. My understanding is that he had prayed for her as she had been suffering on and off for the past few years so I guess he is at peace with it.
She passed in her sleep, by the way. It's beautiful, really. I wish everyone had the opportunity to just...go to sleep and not wake up. I think I'm mostly torn up because I wasn't expecting it. She hasn't been in the hospital for weeks with failing organs or disease. She never really got frail. She still looked so lively. She had slowed down and mostly sat in her spot in the kitchen, but I still thought of her as a strong person. I mean, she raised my aunts and uncles. I guess her body was just tired and done.
I am sad for my papaw as he had to come to the conclusion of her passing when he went to wake her. I am sad for my dad who's never really lost anyone that he has deeply and truly cared about. I am sad for her brother and my aunts and uncles. I am sad for my youngest sister as she is quite young and will never have the chance to sit and listen to her experiences and advice. I am sad that I won't get to talk to her about her plants and birds, or that I will never get to play piano for her again. I am sad that she will never get to see my children or teach them the things she taught me. I am sad that I won't get to share my successes with her. I miss her so much already.
I woke up crying this morning. I didn't even know it was possible to wake up already crying. Because of this, I suddenly look like I'm 50 years old with no sleep as my skin has developed an odd color, and I have horrendous bags under my eyes. My mom told me I could call her no matter what time it was. I started to when I woke in the middle of the night, but I didn't really have anything to talk about. I just wanted to sit with someone and Ryan was asleep. I am thankful that I was surrounded by Diane and the coworkers I happened to be with last night when I found out. I love my work family. They're so wonderful <3
It is early, yet. I'm going to try to get some sleep before the day expects something from me.
The events are as follows:
His grandmother *did* pass shortly after the statement. I still think about her. I am fortunate to have known her and to have been able to visit Texas and have her visit as many times as we did.
The company I work for transferred me from a position I loved to a position that I previously left because I didn't love it so much. This transfer included a 45 minutes commute (vs 10 min), a $1 less an hour (compiled with extra gas usage, another state's taxes, and the federal tax increase after the new year, I make $350-380 less in take home pay A MONTH), but coworkers that I am very happy to have met. I'm bitter about it, but at the same time, if given the chance to transfer back to my home city, I wouldn't do it. I was growing miserable there.
Our two best friends got engaged on Christmas Eve <3
Within the past month my coworker's grandmother passed away, my dad's neighbor that I'd known since I was born (or at least very small) passed away, and deaths seem to roll in 3s and 5s so I've had this digging feeling that something bad was going to happen. Yesterday I missed two phone calls while at work. I was there till close so after we slowed down to waiting on people to finish bleeding (that sounds awful), I got my phone to tweet my friends. I wanted to get some wine and play video games as it *was* Friday night. I noticed the most recent missed call (didn't notice the first one), but there was no message or text. Typically I would call on my way home, but something told me to call immediately. My dad didn't want to tell me while I was at work, but I kind of pressured him. He informed me that my mamaw had passed. The thing that hurt the most, at first, was hearing him choke up about it. He's grown quite emotional in the past few years, but I still think, as his little girl, that he never cries. I tried to collect myself before anything happened, but I just burst into wailing tears when I hung up the phone. I was a big embarrassed, but I couldn't help it. I tried to stop it, but it just kept coming.
I ended up with a migraine, and I certainly couldn't drive 45 minutes to get home. I would have caught a ride home with Diane, but I didn't want to have to come back to work on my day off just to pick up the car so my mom and her friend came to get me. My migraine escalated to severe nausea and a pounding head...so bad that it prevented me from falling asleep at first so Ryan sat with me until I crashed. I didn't wake up until 7 this morning. I told my dad I would visit him last night, but I didn't want to deal with everyone hanging on me and crying as I was already exhausted and miserable. I wanted to be there for my dad mostly, but he had support around him. I wanted to be there for my papaw, but he's got his kids and prayer. My understanding is that he had prayed for her as she had been suffering on and off for the past few years so I guess he is at peace with it.
She passed in her sleep, by the way. It's beautiful, really. I wish everyone had the opportunity to just...go to sleep and not wake up. I think I'm mostly torn up because I wasn't expecting it. She hasn't been in the hospital for weeks with failing organs or disease. She never really got frail. She still looked so lively. She had slowed down and mostly sat in her spot in the kitchen, but I still thought of her as a strong person. I mean, she raised my aunts and uncles. I guess her body was just tired and done.
I am sad for my papaw as he had to come to the conclusion of her passing when he went to wake her. I am sad for my dad who's never really lost anyone that he has deeply and truly cared about. I am sad for her brother and my aunts and uncles. I am sad for my youngest sister as she is quite young and will never have the chance to sit and listen to her experiences and advice. I am sad that I won't get to talk to her about her plants and birds, or that I will never get to play piano for her again. I am sad that she will never get to see my children or teach them the things she taught me. I am sad that I won't get to share my successes with her. I miss her so much already.
I woke up crying this morning. I didn't even know it was possible to wake up already crying. Because of this, I suddenly look like I'm 50 years old with no sleep as my skin has developed an odd color, and I have horrendous bags under my eyes. My mom told me I could call her no matter what time it was. I started to when I woke in the middle of the night, but I didn't really have anything to talk about. I just wanted to sit with someone and Ryan was asleep. I am thankful that I was surrounded by Diane and the coworkers I happened to be with last night when I found out. I love my work family. They're so wonderful <3
It is early, yet. I'm going to try to get some sleep before the day expects something from me.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Finding the Time
I've made a list of things to talk about. The problem is finding the time to talk about them. Rest assured, there will be a string of posts soon! No more than 1/day, but in general I will be posting more. I may spend my off day writing several posts and simply take a few minutes to edit and post one every day/few days...much like my meal planning lately. I mean mass cooking foods so they're ready for the week...nevermind. You get it. I know.
I hope you are all well on your journey <3
I hope you are all well on your journey <3
Sunday, January 20, 2013
New Year, New Ways
Initially I told myself that I would not make a resolution because I never keep them. It seems that everyone is talking about wanting to lose weight. This was what kept coming to mind when thinking about *my* resolution, but in thinking about it, being overweight is a symptom. I'm overweight because I eat too much processed garbage. I theorize that I am overweight because I stress too much. My weight is a symptom of my not taking care of myself as I should.
I watched Hungry for Change. It is a documentary about the "food" we eat. Most of the stuff on the shelves are food products...not actual food. They are so full of chemicals and void of nutrients that our bodies don't recognize it. Also, according to the documentary, 80% of that "food" has a flavor enhancer (not just MSG) to make it addictive so we keep buying the product. I mean, that's the whole reason for the large businesses to make products...is to fill their greedy pockets. They are not interested in the health of their customers.
Also in this documentary, they discussed stress. When your body is under stress it releases cortisol. Cortisol is a natural steroid. Steroids make it near impossible to lose weight no matter how little you eat. This is why most people who take steroids for pain, such as Prednisone, gain weight, even naturally thin people who have not changed their habits. They also stated that the best way for your body to metabolize cortisol is in deep sleep. So, I am trying to stay calm (much easier said than done...I've stopped drinking coffee for the most part to avoid being irritable) and I refuse to feel bad about napping, especially if I did not sleep well the night before.
I am not telling myself that I cannot have something. Instead, I focus on adding the good stuff, as it helps to crowd out the bad. I remind myself that plants are wonderful and healthy. I have already noticed a decline in craving for lesser healthy foods. A friend reintroduced me to smoothies. I have an amazing blender. I should be using it! I have been packing my lunch box with produce, including higher calorie foods such as avocados to keep me satisfied throughout the work day.
Something I noticed in my efforts to include more produce is that I tend to buy more than I can eat. Instead of simply being sad and sending it to the compost, I am using it as an opportunity to intake more nutrients through juicing. If it's something that can go in a smoothie, I shall freeze chop and freeze it. This was probably and obvious solution to the rest of you, but it just occurred to me last night ;)
I need breakfast suggestions. I tend to do better with a heavier breakfast. I wish oats kept me as full as they should, but they simply don't. I LOVE oats, but they run out quickly, and sometimes they upset my stomach. I guess it will just be an adjustment period as I *used* to eat oats for breakfast. I like the idea of eating as raw as possible, so I will probably throw together overnight oats. This will also speed up my morning routine by not having to cook anything, woo!
I hope everyone is doing well. Work is...work. Financially we're making it work for us. That reminds me, any frugal living ideas out there? I'm in the process of removing chemicals from the house and making my own cleaners, etc. Any others ideas would be wonderful!
I watched Hungry for Change. It is a documentary about the "food" we eat. Most of the stuff on the shelves are food products...not actual food. They are so full of chemicals and void of nutrients that our bodies don't recognize it. Also, according to the documentary, 80% of that "food" has a flavor enhancer (not just MSG) to make it addictive so we keep buying the product. I mean, that's the whole reason for the large businesses to make products...is to fill their greedy pockets. They are not interested in the health of their customers.
Also in this documentary, they discussed stress. When your body is under stress it releases cortisol. Cortisol is a natural steroid. Steroids make it near impossible to lose weight no matter how little you eat. This is why most people who take steroids for pain, such as Prednisone, gain weight, even naturally thin people who have not changed their habits. They also stated that the best way for your body to metabolize cortisol is in deep sleep. So, I am trying to stay calm (much easier said than done...I've stopped drinking coffee for the most part to avoid being irritable) and I refuse to feel bad about napping, especially if I did not sleep well the night before.
I am not telling myself that I cannot have something. Instead, I focus on adding the good stuff, as it helps to crowd out the bad. I remind myself that plants are wonderful and healthy. I have already noticed a decline in craving for lesser healthy foods. A friend reintroduced me to smoothies. I have an amazing blender. I should be using it! I have been packing my lunch box with produce, including higher calorie foods such as avocados to keep me satisfied throughout the work day.
Something I noticed in my efforts to include more produce is that I tend to buy more than I can eat. Instead of simply being sad and sending it to the compost, I am using it as an opportunity to intake more nutrients through juicing. If it's something that can go in a smoothie, I shall freeze chop and freeze it. This was probably and obvious solution to the rest of you, but it just occurred to me last night ;)
I need breakfast suggestions. I tend to do better with a heavier breakfast. I wish oats kept me as full as they should, but they simply don't. I LOVE oats, but they run out quickly, and sometimes they upset my stomach. I guess it will just be an adjustment period as I *used* to eat oats for breakfast. I like the idea of eating as raw as possible, so I will probably throw together overnight oats. This will also speed up my morning routine by not having to cook anything, woo!
I hope everyone is doing well. Work is...work. Financially we're making it work for us. That reminds me, any frugal living ideas out there? I'm in the process of removing chemicals from the house and making my own cleaners, etc. Any others ideas would be wonderful!
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